Alright, I’ve become pretty shit at blogging in the last eight weeks, and I’m sorry. No, I’m not apologising to you, or you, or anyone else, but myself. I’m apologising to myself for allowing yours truly to become distracted to the point of not having sufficient time to maintain my beloved blog properly. Well Sophie, as long as you get your act together, I am willing to accept your apology.
Hmm. No, I’m not strange at all
An image of me, obviously, making an expression that I use to convey sadness, because my lovely Lime Crime lipstick broke ah well, at least it’s still usable. It’s a sad day when one of your favourite cosmetic items is damaged.
Ok, so, during the last week, I have thought about quite a few different topics. I guess they’re all somehow related to one another. If I sat here typing about them all, the word count of this post would most likely easily exceed 5000, so I’ll discuss them one day at a time.
D A R I A
I’m referring to the (coolest cartoon EVER) television show. I have officially decided that if I ever happen to give birth to a girl in the future, her middle name shall be Daria, after, arguably, the best character ever. I watched Daria when it originally aired, I enjoyed it, but in an extremely shallow or I should say… in a rather innocent sense, in a, “hey, look, cartoons! colourful pictures” way. I was 6 – 11 years old. Man oh man, do I wish I was a few years older. Daria would have been the perfect show for me to get into at the beginning of high school, it would have helped a lot. As I got older, I think it started when I was 15, people began to compare me to Daria. One of the first times was when I was working at Subway, I was 16 at the time, an older 19 year old who referred to me as a dero kid (weird.. I’m not a fucking dero at all -_-) once turned to me and said, “you know, you’re like freaking Daria!” and I don’t think she meant the comment to flatter me. My only memories of the show were those from my childhood, so one of the main aspects of the show I could remember, was that Daria was quite monotone and cynical. I am very monotone most of the time, especially when I am bored, which is often (bored with life in general) and I was unbelievably cynical in my early teens. I literally thought that everything and everyone was lame.
I bought the entire series about a week ago, seeing as I have been compared to her so many times, I decided to watch the show again and decide for myself if I really was like this Daria character. Being monotone has been a problem for me for a looong time, (well not me, it seems to be a problem for other annoying people) but watching Daria made me feel better about that I seriously love Daria, I love that show, that character gives me a reason to not hate myself. Daria doesn’t seem to be interested in drinking, smoking, piercings, drugs, tattoos or socialising. She doesn’t seem to enjoy close personal contact. I don’t like hugging, the only person I can hug without feeling any awkwardness is my boyfriend, I also struggle to tell people that I love them. I can’t throw that word around easily, I don’t even tell my parents that I love them. Apparently these qualities make me a cold, distant person. Anyway, back to Daria, she really is a ‘brain’, she actually is just genuinely interested in gaining knowledge. That was pretty much me in high school, I pretty much was a nerd, that is still me now. I would rather stay at home and read about a variety of things on the internet, than go out and socialise. I’ve always been apprehensive to tell others that I don’t really enjoy drinking alcohol very much, that I’ve never truly desired to ever have a tattoo, that I have no interest in smoking (actually, I hate it and I find it disgusting) it’s hard to tell people that you’re not cool (in the conventional sense) at all. It’s difficult, because for some reason, most people seem to aspire to a certain image of what cool is. That’s fine with me, but it sucks that the way I am isn’t very fine with others, or, rather, not cool enough for them. Yeah, I definitely would not be cool enough for the fashion club.
You might think I’m over exaggerating. Why, surely people wouldn’t actually judge someone on such a trivial basis? But oh my friends, they most certainly do. In the past, I have been on ‘friend’ terms with people. Once some of them discovered that I didn’t (still don’t) have an elaborate social network, that I’m not into drinking or smoking or being ‘cool’, they decided to… basically ditch me. Apparently not being intrigued by these things makes one boring. This has happened with new friends and people I had been close to for a long time. It sucks dude, despite the fact that I have little interest in the activities that most people my age participate in frequently, I don’t judge those I meet based on such preferences. I’m not interested in smoking, or doing drugs, or drinking every weekend, but I wouldn’t decide to distance myself from someone I previously liked because they didn’t live up to my own personal standards. Hell, my boyfriend drinks a lot more than I do, but I still love him Hmm, I don’t know what I’m getting at here to be honest. I guess, long story short. Daria is awesome (IMO) and I wish people actually thought that some of the real life Darias were cool too, well I don’t know, I can live with the thought that I’m not cool, but it would be nice to not be perceived as the token weirdo for a change. That would make life a lot easier sometimes. Maybe people would stop telling me to freaking smile, maybe people would stop asking me why I look ‘so sad’ so often.
For any Daria fans out there, you know the episode when that Football legend dude accidentally dies? everyone goes to Daria for advice, because they just assume she constantly thinks about morbid, depressing things all the time. During a conversation with Jane, Daria becomes frustrated.
“Okay, but you know what I’ve been hearing? “You know how I feel, Daria. You’re gloomy. I knew I can talk to you, Daria. You’re always miserable.” Tragedy hits the school and everyone thinks of me. A popular guy died, and now I’m popular because I’m the misery chick. But I’m not miserable. I’m just not like them.“
That’s how I feel when people ask me why I look so sad etc etc. I’m not sad all the time, I’m not depressed (I never have been depressed, anxiety, yes, I have dealt with, but not depression) and I’m not constantly angry, being realistic about the world doesn’t mean you’re constantly unhappy. It means you can accept that a lot of chaos and negativity exists on this planet. What is the point of being oblivious to all of that? Ignorance may be bliss, but I don’t want bliss, I want the truth. I’m not like a lot of people, smiling doesn’t come as easily to me, it doesn’t mean I think about death all the time, or something like that. I suppose cartoons are so different to the real world though, for instance, Daria behaves in her usual way while she works at her first job. If I ever behaved in my true natural element in the work force, well, let’s just say, I would NEVER be employed. Also, despite being incredibly cynical and gloomy and what have you, as I’ve aged (because I’m such a wise old lady now) I have realised that things aren’t that terrible. You just have to make an effort to see the bigger picture, as difficult as that may be sometimes. Sure, for me, my life has been kind of shit (really shit) at times, but hey, my situation could have been far, far worse. The fact that I can even sit here and think about what to type makes me incredibly lucky. Is it sad that I just thought of all of this because of a cartoon show? Maybe? Oh well.
La la la la la.