V I C E
February 22nd, 2012

LACE

The outfit to be showcased for today is not that exciting. Partly because of the weather… fuck this humidity! According to the bureau of meteorology the rest of the week is going to be very humid. YAAAAAAY! So exciting! ……… NOT. I am so over summer. Yes, northern hemisphere, you can have it! Please, by all means, get it away from me! This weather just makes everything such a huge, tiring, effort. I despise it. Doesn’t this happen to anyone else? Don’t you just want to lay around in a pool of ice cream wearing whatever you wear to sleep and not think about getting dressed? I feel so uninspired during summer, you can’t exactly wear too much. Especially, in Australian heat. Let me tell you, we have mild winters, but our summers (unless you live in Tasmania… maybe) are bloody scorchers! *bogan accent* I much prefer the style options that winter provides me with. Eh, first world problems, I sound like such a whiny bitch *slaps self*

Other than the ongoing fashion catastrophe that is the weather, I had an appointment with an endocrinologist today and my dad goes insane if I wear clothing that is far too ‘over dressed’ for serious occasions, like, going to medical appointments. Perhaps I should ‘man up’ and face the music (my dad) but, whatever, I ceebs with that today. Sometimes the thought of listening to the exact same complaint I’ve heard since the age of fifteen makes me want to wear jeans, ballet flats and a v-neck, t-shirt. Don’t worry, that’s not going to happen though. I’d feel like a freakazoid.

Oh, good news friends! I was told that my thyroid levels are perfect, ooh how very exciting! However, I still have to be on medication for at least twelve months. S’all good though, I mean, popping pills is what cool people do, and seeing as I’m a nerdy, goody two shoes, I would like to take every opportunity to be part of the cool gang :D

You know, this is one of the oldest and longest dresses I have. It’s stuck with me since 2008 and has been worn so many times. It’s the most expensive dress I own, it was heavily discounted to $120. Paying more does have its benefits sometimes, I’ve worn this dress more than any other in my wardrobe, yet it doesn’t seem worn out, at all. I’m not sure why I haven’t decided to move on, I seem to tire of my clothes quite quickly so I wonder what’s different about this dress. Hmm.

February 21st, 2012

PMS

I am PMS-ing like crazy right now, sorry if that’s a little too much information for some of you.. but come on, we’re all girls here. I sincerely apologise to any male readers I may have, you might want to skip this post! I just felt so effing gross today. I felt disgusting when I looked at myself in a mirror. In my place, I saw a huge, disgusting, blob, with massive pores and horribly, frizzy hair. Apparently poor self image is a symptom, I only just learnt that. I also felt angry, and highly emotional.

I was at my boyfriend’s place before being all moody and pathetic, moping around and feeling sorry for myself. Eating cookies, crying, wanting to shove copious amounts of food in my mouth. I was depressed that my magazine idea I’ve had for such a long time failed and was just compared to Rookie, before it even began. I was sad that I haven’t really achieved anything in my twenty-one years of life despite thinking of myself as a pretty determined and ambitious person. I was also quite upset about something that always seems to get to me when I’m PMS-ing, even though I know it’s a stupid and pathetic complaint.

I just always feel so ugly. When I was younger, I was called ugly multiple times by guys and no one ever had a crush on me. No one has ever lusted over me and I’ve never been ‘chased’ by a guy. I had to do all the work to be with my boyfriend, which really bugs me sometimes. I’m not sure why. Ugh, what a freaking lame thing to even think about. I should be grateful that I’m healthy (well, kind of) and able to do most things. Ugh, us girls, we literally run on a cycle. Well, I definitely do. I mean, I’m so irritable and irrational right now, all because there are some hormone levels altering in my body. Our state of mind can change so much from a few chemical reactions.

In 2010 when I was about to go to the U.S and leave my boyfriend for 6.5 months, I was PMS-ing, yet again. The Notebook happened to be on television, a week before I was going to depart. That was the first and only time I’ve watched it. I, honestly, cried for the entire movie and it wasn’t even that good! My brother also happened to be in the room at the time, so I had to stop myself from making any sound. I was sitting there, balling my eyes out, I became a silent human waterfall.

Currently, I feel very on edge, I’m going to go before I begin to rant about something entirely pointless.

February 20th, 2012

PANIC

SORRY GUYS, I decided to postpone my magazine dreams for now. After getting e-mails about how Cloud would be different to Rookie, I didn’t feel right and it made me anxious. I don’t want to be known on this blogosphere as a creative thief. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel guilty in any way, I know that Cloud wouldn’t be like Rookie and I started my first version of Cloud in high school, in 2008, before Rookie even existed.. the year Style Rookie only began (I think so anyway), although I hadn’t heard of the blog back then. I should try and find the little magazine to show you xD. Despite this, I know that people would probably question my intentions and as someone who wants to pursue  a career in graphic design, illustration and fashion seriously, I don’t want to have a bad reputation before I even make a start in the industry. Tavi is a lucky girl, she has a huge army of followers watching out for her. I’m slightly envious, because, I’ve noticed a few blogs imitating my (graphic) design style, and I highly doubt anyone would say anything. It also sucks because other people will probably get more attention for it than I will, because my blog isn’t as popular. Back to posting as usual, I guess. Maybe I’ll start a smaller zine and show you guys that in a few months. I also have some clothing mock ups I want to share… so all hopes for world domination is not lost yet xD haha. Joking. 

 

A few days ago, I had a panic attack for the first time, ever. I’ve had prolonged instances of anxiety, quite a few times now, especially last year, if anyone recalls. Not any actual panic attacks though. That changed, like I said, a few days ago. This was a serious, real, frightening attack, as described on wikipedia. It was horrific. I literally felt like I was going crazy/about to die. At the peak of the attack, I was laying on the floor, helpless, screaming and crying. I was transforming into an insanely terrified version of myself. Thankfully these attacks only last for about ten minutes, any longer and I don’t know what would happen.

I should stop thinking about it, before I drive myself into another one. Having an overactive thyroid really sucks in that sense. Oh well, at least I’m seeing the specialist again this Wednesday. In better news, I have finally secured an internet connection at my house hold. SCORE! So, GUESS WHAT? I’m going to introduce my magazine idea/proposal tomorrow!!! Ah, I’m really freaking nervous to see what you all think. If no one is willing to help, I don’t think I’ll be able to pull it off, so hopefully I can impress the people who happen to lurk this blog. I’ve also planned to list a shit load of stuff on e-bay this Thursday night. Initially, I was planning this Sunday that just passed, however, I decided to add a few more things and I want to get them all listed on the same day. So wish me luck, I’m going to be uploading for hours.

I’m wearing the second Zana Bayne harness that I ordered, it’s the basic harness. Ah, it’s great having these, they add so much to an otherwise boring outfit.

February 15th, 2012

YES!

After having a few pretty boring (mega yawn) outfit days, I was glad that today was a good one. It could have been better if it wasn’t so damn warm again though. Ideally, I wanted to go op shopping today, but I can’t seem to function in this weather. Ah well, what do I expect? it is summer, but only two more weeks of this shit to go! Let’s (or just me) hope that autumn aka fall, cools down quick smart, aye? *bogan accent*

Surprisingly, this outfit was chosen by my boyfriend. My wisdom tooth extraction site began to bleed like crazy at midnight, I was literally pulling out big clots of blood from my mouth, (sorry if that’s tmi) and I didn’t get to sleep until 3.30am, after a big day, so I was bloody knackered this morning. I don’t know what’s up with my slightly bogan wording today. Maybe it’s the painkillers.

Seeing as I was so tired, I begged my boyfriend to choose my outfit instead, so I could just lay there. He did pretty well, I changed the order of the layers, added the harness and I liked what I saw. Sometimes I wish I could wear outfits this good for the duration of the entire week.

Before I forget…

OMFG I FINALLY GOT ZANA BAYNE HARNESSES, WEEEEEEEEEW

I’ve wanted one (all of them) since I saw the first collection. Took me long enough to actually get some. I decided to save up separately for them during my short stint at Hugo Boss and then it was a matter of making the hard decision. I was always going to get the oxford harness, but I had to choose between the basic harness and one of the patent harnesses, I don’t remember the name and her shop is under maintenance at the moment. After seeing these babies, I’ll definitely be saving up to get the other harness I couldn’t manage to purchase this time around.

I could probably wear this oxford harness in every single outfit I have. Really. Does anyone else who have her harnesses struggle to not wear them with everything?

February 14th, 2012

I DON’T LIKE VALENTINE’S DAY

If I see another blog post about V-day, I think I’m going to puke. I thought about whether or not I should include that, it seems a little harsh. However, I noticed someone mention their dislike for people who are against this day, so I was like, screw it, let my animosity towards Valentine’s day be known! I have never liked this day and I doubt I ever will. Unless you’re new to this blog, you will already know that it’s not because I’m single. Yes, I am in a relationship and we didn’t celebrate it. I did get two of my wisdom teeth out today, but that’s not why!

I don’t like it, probably for similar reasons that other people don’t like it. It’s so commercial and just… shit. Now you can say, oh sure, it’s a little commercial these days but, what about the romance? But come on, if you’re that in love, don’t you find it (v-day) slightly (understatement, EXTREMELY) cliche and not that romantic at all?

I mean, what the hell is romantic about someone buying you red roses or a tacky hallmark card or heart shaped chocolates? etc. Most people (mostly guys) purchase these things for their significant other because they have basically been brainwashed to, they’ve been told that these things are romantic, these things will make your partner appreciate you more. These completely pointless gifts are so generic and involve little to no thought. I don’t see how buying into it, is romantic at all. I’d find it far more romantic if my boyfriend organised something ‘romantic’ for us to do on any other day, (when it won’t cost triple the price and be a lot more spontaneous/exciting) purely because he wanted to, not because he felt pressured by a stupid money making scheme.

I also don’t enjoy Valentine’s day because a lot of people think that it’s the one day where it is absolutely ok to publicly display their affection. I mean, I don’t mind seeing people hold hands, or kiss… occasionally, but full on make-out sessions? Please people, keep it at home and have some damn respect for the people around you. When I eat, I don’t really like to watch a couple have a tongue battle, and yes, sometimes, there is nowhere else to sit. The city is a busy place!

Ugh.

I’m going to move on to the Wisdom teeth removal now. I had it done at the dentist, in the chair, as people say. I didn’t feel any pain at all, not even when the needles to make my mouth numb were going in. When the dentist was taking the teeth out, I felt pressure, but no pain. The thing that freaked me out the most, was the effects of the medication that numbed my mouth. It caused heart palpitations and my whole body (mostly legs) was shaking. At the end of the procedure, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and became kind of claustrophobic, so that part was fairly frightening. My cheek isn’t puffed up anymore and I can talk properly now. I haven’t had any pain killers for about seven hours and, currently, I’m not experiencing any pain, which is good. Hopefully this continues tomorrow.

I tried to do the beehive style with my hair, it turned out… ok, unfortunately I don’t have any pictures of the end result, because just as I finished, I went to hospital. It was the day of the freak out. I think I’m going to attempt it again in a day or two, I’ll take photos then. :)

I had an interview for a volunteer position yesterday, I applied to help out at L’oreal’s Melbourne Fashion week, so I tried to go for a simpler look. I still looked like the most ‘alternative’ person in the room. Sigh, hopefully that didn’t go against me. This velvet skirt is sooo comfortable but as I walked, it kept going up my not so small thighs. So sadly, it’s off to the e-bay sell pile. Which has been growing for six months. As soon as I get the internet, (I’m seriously hoping in a day or two now) I’m listing everything! I’m going to sell my lita spikes too, they are nice… but I just don’t wear them enough. Oh, I start most of my bids at 99 cents. If anyone is interested… let me know, so that I may share the links when I upload.

Pretty low key outfit today, well… the dentist liked my outfit! haha.

So I haven’t seen anything from NYFW that has really excited me so far. I decided to share a few things I thought looked interesting though.

First up, we’ve got Marc Jacobs. Not really my style, well, I could possibly imagine myself in a few pieces… maybe. I like the glitter looking fabric thing going on. Is it just me, or did anyone else think of Dr. Seuss once looking through this collection?

I’m not exactly a fan of grey, but I think this collection by Thom Browne looks fascinating.

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