Posts Tagged: chicwish

CHASING SLEEP

Hellooooo, it’s 12.46AM, I feel so delirious. While 46 minutes past midnight may not seem very hardcore, I have been waking up early lately and not sleeping enough so I feel rather drained right now. Having informed you all of this, I’m going to keep this post short. Like my height. Mmhm.

THANKS for the birthday wishes :D I had a good birthday, best birthday EVERRRR actually. I’m so lucky, my boyfriend bought me an awesome, awesome gift. I posted the presents before I unwrapped them on the Facebook page, a few people seemed curious as to what I received. I want to share with you all, but I’ve been doing important stuff lately… like actually trying (I am a major procrastinator, I inherit that from the master of procrastination, my dad) to finish my folio so I’m not just stuck in a crappy casual job forever.

I think I’m going to attempt to make a video about the birthday gifts, the idea of sitting there and photographing each item individually is not very appealing. Hopefully I’m not too awkward (I will be) in front of a camera. No birthday images yet, first I thought I would quickly compile all the outfit photos I haven’t posted. The next post will be all lame and fuzzy.

About a month ago, I ‘modelled’ aka just stood there and was photographed by my friend for his Interior Architecture final Uni project. He compiled a bunch of interesting looking stuff, I was impressed as I literally have zero building skills.

Shoes I am wearing in the above image are from Etsy. DUDE, ETSY IS SO FUCKING GREAT!!! I’m a little late with the whole Etsy craze, I’ve been checking it out for a while now but only recently became heavily addicted. My cart has like 48 items inside it right now. I’ve been deleting clothes from my Topshop cart, while adding items to my Etsy cart instead. I made a pretty large order the other night, I’ll tell you more about it later, soo much good stuff, the seller is incredible. What are your favourite Etsy stores people?! TELL ME!!!!! Speaking of selling things, I listed a few items on my Ebay page dudes, almost all of them are brand new. I’ve lost weight during this lifestyle/food/exercise change, so a lot of my clothes (particularly skirts) are too big for me now. Check out my items here. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.

DON’T WORRY IF I WRITE RHYMES, I WRITE CHEQUES

Hey duuuuuudes!! Feck meh liiiife, it has been an exhausting week. I’ve been yelled at and abused by customers, felt slightly threatened by bizarre, creepy, telephone calls, been bluntly told that I’m ‘not friendly’ after going out of my way to help someone for thirty minutes, had a positive feedback card written about me, resulting in being congratulated in the form of a gift card. All the while, trying to decide what ze fuck to do with my life! I was discussing management options with my manager today and he told me to do something that I’m passionate about. It made me feel slightly sad that I have to consider other options because of money. I WANT A FUCKING DESIGN JOB GOD DAMN IT. When my ‘full time’ contract ends next week, I’m going to organise myself and get my online folio up. I just don’t know what to name my design portfolio website. Hmmm. I DEFINITELY don’t want myfullname.com so I was thinking maybe… sooophie.net but I don’t know. Sophie is such a boring name, why did I even tell you all what it is? Y’all probs already know anyway. I hate it, always have. I kind of wish I never let anyone know and just re-invented myself online, I’d love for my name to be Sapphire Rose or something cool like that, but it’s too late. I feel like I’m too old to change my name. Anyhow, initially I really wanted to have soph.ie BUT IT’S FUCKING TAKEN OF COURSE T__T

This is an example of an outfit I wear to move from Y (my house) to X (boyfriend’s house) and back. Pretty meh, huh? I was supposed to type something interesting at this point but I’ve completely forgotten what that something was going to be. Hmm.

Oh! Thank you for all the great tips about skin care in the previous post, they are all greatly appreciated. So much good advice, now I don’t know which direction to go in! Eeek. For anyone who might care to know, my ‘diet’ or attempt to alter my eating habits is going ok. I’ve been sticking to it quite well, except for yesterday. My grandmother bought over my favourite meal ever, and I couldn’t resist! It’s calorie packed man. However, I am being more persistent this time. When this usually happens, I think to myself, “oh, screw it, I’ve failed, back to normal eating I guess” but this time, I’m going to keep trying, NEVER GIVE UP.

Ok, I feel like I’m just literally talking shit now and the computer screen feels as if it’s burning a hole through both of my eye balls. Time to go.

AAAAAAAAAAH

HEY GUYS!!!!! This is going to be like the SHORTEST POST EVER. Sorry, but I’m so tired right now. I’ve been helping Larissa with the re-launch of her awesome store, Miracle Eye for the last two days. I kid you not, we were on Skype for literally NINE fucking hours yesterday, and I’ve been working on her site for the last eight hours!!! I’ve felt terrible not updating the blog though. So, I’ve created the crappiest images ever in mere seconds, just to get something until tomorrow or the day after.

Fuck, I feel so stumpy with flats on. I’m going back to my trusty platform heels tomorrow. Don’t you worry about that. Oh, will reply to all comments late tomorrow or Wednesday. Sorry for all the delays people, it’s going to be a busy week for me!

DELAYED

Hello small world, sorry about the late post. I have been sick so I’ve basically just been sitting around feeling sorry for myself and not doing much. Trying to stay away from people so they don’t get infected with my virus infected cells! I really hate being sick, perhaps more so than most other people. Being sick, even with just your common cold makes me highly anxious. A regular virus that normally just gives someone a cold, once attacked my heart and could have killed me, as many of you may already know, so being sick kind of creates this state of high alert within me. For this reason I really don’t like doing much when I’m sick, I try to rest as much as possible, I don’t like the idea of my body being too weak and vulnerable. So being sick is boring as hell for me. Hence the lack of posts. I literally had nothing to post about.

I think I’ve done quite well though, it’s the first time I’ve been sick this year and customers were coughing all over me at work last week, so I was expecting this to happen. Unfortunately, when I serve some people, they stand so close to me, that I could kiss them. It’s horrible, I really value my personal space, I don’t understand why a few individuals feel the need to be so close to a complete stranger. Aaanyway.

I am happy to confirm that I’ll have my own car soon, in just less than a week, so that’s a little exciting. Well, at least for me it is. I had to go sign some paperwork today, and seeing as I was wearing the same outfit for an entire week, I decided to finally ‘dress up’ in an attempt to feel less gross about this whole being sick situation.

I’m getting better, but I’m still sick and I have to be up early tomorrow, so I think it’s about time I get ready for sleep. I’ll reply to everybody’s comments on the previous post sometime tomorrow. I hope you’re all having a decent week.

DREAMY

I was supposed to post this last night but my internet connection was being so slow, nothing would work. 

Do you ever get that feeling… when you feel so alone, despite being surrounded by people? Nothing seems to matter when the only thing that matters hurts the most. Sometimes, I feel like my only real, long term friend, is Photoshop. It gets better with age, it rarely disappoints me, it doesn’t tell me that I suck and it’s always there when I need it to be. Too bad it’s just software. Anyway, get ready for another sob story. What?! Cooome on… ADMIT IT, I’m pretty good at them. Huh, huh?

When I was younger, as some of you may recall from previous explanations, I was a ‘loser’. I was gross, nobody liked me, I was the school joke, I had no friends, blah blah blah, you get the picture. Eventually, when I did have some ‘friends’, well, I later realised they weren’t very good friends. I never got invited to any cool parties and my social network was tiny. So, my weekends consisted of working on my website, practicing html and experimenting on a little program called Paint Shop Pro 6. Eventually, I felt confident enough to start creating my own brushes, textures etc. Eventually, I offered them on my old blog, so people could download and use them. I must say, it was kind of cool seeing other people utilise a brush or texture I’d made to create something of their own. When I felt like I had done all I could with PSP I updated to the famous Photoshop.

I had heard of this mysterious program on many forums, and finally decided to step out of my PSP box and discover it for myself. At the beginning, I was slightly frustrated, with so many new tools to learn, I felt a little limited. However, once I got the hang of it, Photoshop and I became inseparable! While other sixteen year olds were out hooking up with guys, which is FINE, (I was actually quite jealous at the time) I was at home hooking up with Photoshop. No, I was not kissing my computer!! Gross. I’m not that weird, geez!

At around the age of 16/17 I realised that I really enjoyed creating graphics, I thought that I could possibly pursuit it as a career. I hadn’t really considered a creative job seriously before this. I mean, I was a total nerd, I wasn’t cool. I was awkward, hyper, monotoned, paranoid, miserable… a dork (I still basically am all those things) I was the opposite of cool. ’Arty’ people were cool. I decided to ignore my lack of cool characteristics and become a graphic designer anyway! Once I was in University, studying towards this qualification, an old friend more interested in the fine arts, decided it was her duty to inform me, that in comparison to the fine arts, graphic design was nothing, stupid even. I felt a little annoyed, she basically told me that the subject I had chosen to study was completely irrelevant and of no value.

My dad also disagreed with my course choice. He really wanted me to focus on something like accounting, economics or business instead. I can’t exactly blame him, I admit, I can see his concern now. Entry level graphic design pays TERRIBLY. But of course, not everything in life can be about money. These opinions, that I had to listen to, from people I respected made me feel quite discouraged. Being told your course is pointless isn’t a good feeling. I already felt like a failure and I had barely even begun my journey.

One of my teachers in my first semester also failed my first University project and from that moment on, I’m absolutely certain that he despised me. He made my life hell for the duration of that semester and was always a lot harder on me than the other students in the class. He made me feel like my work was, well, just shit. Throughout Uni, I always felt a little out of place. Most of the work my class mates produced was clean, sleek, minimal, simple. My work, ha, it was and still is, the complete opposite. Messy, complex, busy and detailed. It’s almost like my work is a reflection of my brain, always full of hundreds of thoughts, constantly changing and occasionally driving me insane. My life has, generally, been quite depressing and dull, so I guess I expressed all my hopes and dreams in my design work. Maybe that’s why it’s always so colourful.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is: Nobody has ever really appreciated my work, I’m finding it difficult to find any graphic design jobs that suit me and I’m starting to lose hope to be honest. Even my boyfriend advised that I should refine my folio and add some more simple work. Which was a little devastating. Sure, I can do simple, corporate work, but it’s not true to my style. Throughout Uni, I never felt like my work was very appreciated or liked. Sure, a few lecturers thought it was ‘beautiful’, which I was extremely grateful for, but in general, I felt so discouraged and pressured to be trendy. To fit into this minimal, simple, popular… mould.

So the other day, when I found out that something I designed was actually going to be produced, it didn’t just mean that I had won a competition. It meant that nine years of silent, hard, work, finally amounted to something. Somebody finally noticed something I MADE. It gave me hope, it was a sign that I shouldn’t give up yet. If you have no clue what I’m talking about, click this.

To all of you who ever compliment me on my ‘edits’ and the work I do on Dark Vice, thank you. Thank you so much, to a stressed out, hopeful, designer, it truly means a lot. It gives me motivation to keep working towards a target, that hopefully actually exists.