V I C E
February 22nd, 2012

LACE

The outfit to be showcased for today is not that exciting. Partly because of the weather… fuck this humidity! According to the bureau of meteorology the rest of the week is going to be very humid. YAAAAAAY! So exciting! ……… NOT. I am so over summer. Yes, northern hemisphere, you can have it! Please, by all means, get it away from me! This weather just makes everything such a huge, tiring, effort. I despise it. Doesn’t this happen to anyone else? Don’t you just want to lay around in a pool of ice cream wearing whatever you wear to sleep and not think about getting dressed? I feel so uninspired during summer, you can’t exactly wear too much. Especially, in Australian heat. Let me tell you, we have mild winters, but our summers (unless you live in Tasmania… maybe) are bloody scorchers! *bogan accent* I much prefer the style options that winter provides me with. Eh, first world problems, I sound like such a whiny bitch *slaps self*

Other than the ongoing fashion catastrophe that is the weather, I had an appointment with an endocrinologist today and my dad goes insane if I wear clothing that is far too ‘over dressed’ for serious occasions, like, going to medical appointments. Perhaps I should ‘man up’ and face the music (my dad) but, whatever, I ceebs with that today. Sometimes the thought of listening to the exact same complaint I’ve heard since the age of fifteen makes me want to wear jeans, ballet flats and a v-neck, t-shirt. Don’t worry, that’s not going to happen though. I’d feel like a freakazoid.

Oh, good news friends! I was told that my thyroid levels are perfect, ooh how very exciting! However, I still have to be on medication for at least twelve months. S’all good though, I mean, popping pills is what cool people do, and seeing as I’m a nerdy, goody two shoes, I would like to take every opportunity to be part of the cool gang :D

You know, this is one of the oldest and longest dresses I have. It’s stuck with me since 2008 and has been worn so many times. It’s the most expensive dress I own, it was heavily discounted to $120. Paying more does have its benefits sometimes, I’ve worn this dress more than any other in my wardrobe, yet it doesn’t seem worn out, at all. I’m not sure why I haven’t decided to move on, I seem to tire of my clothes quite quickly so I wonder what’s different about this dress. Hmm.

February 21st, 2012

PMS

I am PMS-ing like crazy right now, sorry if that’s a little too much information for some of you.. but come on, we’re all girls here. I sincerely apologise to any male readers I may have, you might want to skip this post! I just felt so effing gross today. I felt disgusting when I looked at myself in a mirror. In my place, I saw a huge, disgusting, blob, with massive pores and horribly, frizzy hair. Apparently poor self image is a symptom, I only just learnt that. I also felt angry, and highly emotional.

I was at my boyfriend’s place before being all moody and pathetic, moping around and feeling sorry for myself. Eating cookies, crying, wanting to shove copious amounts of food in my mouth. I was depressed that my magazine idea I’ve had for such a long time failed and was just compared to Rookie, before it even began. I was sad that I haven’t really achieved anything in my twenty-one years of life despite thinking of myself as a pretty determined and ambitious person. I was also quite upset about something that always seems to get to me when I’m PMS-ing, even though I know it’s a stupid and pathetic complaint.

I just always feel so ugly. When I was younger, I was called ugly multiple times by guys and no one ever had a crush on me. No one has ever lusted over me and I’ve never been ‘chased’ by a guy. I had to do all the work to be with my boyfriend, which really bugs me sometimes. I’m not sure why. Ugh, what a freaking lame thing to even think about. I should be grateful that I’m healthy (well, kind of) and able to do most things. Ugh, us girls, we literally run on a cycle. Well, I definitely do. I mean, I’m so irritable and irrational right now, all because there are some hormone levels altering in my body. Our state of mind can change so much from a few chemical reactions.

In 2010 when I was about to go to the U.S and leave my boyfriend for 6.5 months, I was PMS-ing, yet again. The Notebook happened to be on television, a week before I was going to depart. That was the first and only time I’ve watched it. I, honestly, cried for the entire movie and it wasn’t even that good! My brother also happened to be in the room at the time, so I had to stop myself from making any sound. I was sitting there, balling my eyes out, I became a silent human waterfall.

Currently, I feel very on edge, I’m going to go before I begin to rant about something entirely pointless.

February 20th, 2012

PANIC

SORRY GUYS, I decided to postpone my magazine dreams for now. After getting e-mails about how Cloud would be different to Rookie, I didn’t feel right and it made me anxious. I don’t want to be known on this blogosphere as a creative thief. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel guilty in any way, I know that Cloud wouldn’t be like Rookie and I started my first version of Cloud in high school, in 2008, before Rookie even existed.. the year Style Rookie only began (I think so anyway), although I hadn’t heard of the blog back then. I should try and find the little magazine to show you xD. Despite this, I know that people would probably question my intentions and as someone who wants to pursue  a career in graphic design, illustration and fashion seriously, I don’t want to have a bad reputation before I even make a start in the industry. Tavi is a lucky girl, she has a huge army of followers watching out for her. I’m slightly envious, because, I’ve noticed a few blogs imitating my (graphic) design style, and I highly doubt anyone would say anything. It also sucks because other people will probably get more attention for it than I will, because my blog isn’t as popular. Back to posting as usual, I guess. Maybe I’ll start a smaller zine and show you guys that in a few months. I also have some clothing mock ups I want to share… so all hopes for world domination is not lost yet xD haha. Joking. 

 

A few days ago, I had a panic attack for the first time, ever. I’ve had prolonged instances of anxiety, quite a few times now, especially last year, if anyone recalls. Not any actual panic attacks though. That changed, like I said, a few days ago. This was a serious, real, frightening attack, as described on wikipedia. It was horrific. I literally felt like I was going crazy/about to die. At the peak of the attack, I was laying on the floor, helpless, screaming and crying. I was transforming into an insanely terrified version of myself. Thankfully these attacks only last for about ten minutes, any longer and I don’t know what would happen.

I should stop thinking about it, before I drive myself into another one. Having an overactive thyroid really sucks in that sense. Oh well, at least I’m seeing the specialist again this Wednesday. In better news, I have finally secured an internet connection at my house hold. SCORE! So, GUESS WHAT? I’m going to introduce my magazine idea/proposal tomorrow!!! Ah, I’m really freaking nervous to see what you all think. If no one is willing to help, I don’t think I’ll be able to pull it off, so hopefully I can impress the people who happen to lurk this blog. I’ve also planned to list a shit load of stuff on e-bay this Thursday night. Initially, I was planning this Sunday that just passed, however, I decided to add a few more things and I want to get them all listed on the same day. So wish me luck, I’m going to be uploading for hours.

I’m wearing the second Zana Bayne harness that I ordered, it’s the basic harness. Ah, it’s great having these, they add so much to an otherwise boring outfit.

February 19th, 2012

IT’S HUMID UP IN HERE

Really, it is. Well, not so much now, but damn, I was very uncomfortable before. My bff and I decided to go op shopping, it was a huge effort during this tropical day. I didn’t find anything. It’s becoming harder and harder to find anything decent at op shops these days. Everyone goes op shopping (thrifting) now. I did manage to find this royal purple, sixties style coat, with a dark purple faux-fur collar and sleeve trims. It was cute, but the fabric was shocking and it was a little bit too small on me.

Other than making daily life a pain, the humidity also seems to turn my skin into a train wreck. So many clogged pores, ew. Does anyone else experience this problem? I think the only positive thing is the fact that I justified the purchase of a white chocolate magnum. Oh man, so good. On second thought, I wonder if that is actually a good thing. I mean, nineteen grams of fat, eight of which are saturated. That’s not exactly… desirable. Ugh, If only junk food was actually healthy, I would be the healthiest of them all! Noticing and realising the actual fat contents of food, makes me want to shove carrot sticks in my mouth. I actually did that before (well, not the shoving part), my boyfriend gave me some hummus to assist with the dull taste of carrots (actually, I don’t think they’re that bad) and I suddenly became aware of something, previously unknown to me. I don’t like hummus. Strangely enough, it tastes like… nothing, with a hint of vomit. Lovely, I know.

I learnt (via more than enough fashion websites) that wearing hot pink and black together is a no-no. Apparently it looks dated. Man, whatever. I don’t care, watch me wear this ‘dated’ style. I had loads of stares today, again. NEWS FLASH, it’s not ok to stare at women like they’re objects, no matter what they happen to be wearing, fuck sticks. Can a fellow human being get some respect?! Geez.

I was working on the coolest gif for DARK VICE, ever, when photoshop decided to start malfunctioning. I was way too ceebs to begin the process all over again. Sorry. I’ll make it again some other time. Here is an image of the Unif Hellbounds, in a magnificent shade of pink instead*. Oh yeah, I’ll be wearing these gems with black clothing too. Suck it, fashion police!

*Image found on tumblr.

February 18th, 2012

SIXTY

I’ve never had a direct influence to my style like some people seem to have and to be honest, I never really got that obsessed with vintage style. I’m not really ashamed to say that I buy loads of brand new clothes from chain stores, albeit, online chain stores. I mean, why should I be? I don’t like that certain… pretentious, hipster, stigma, that buying from ‘malls’ too much is a bad thing. Yes, we live in a pretty damn consumerist society. What are you going to do people? As I stated quite a few posts back now, our existence, is basically entirely pointless, so buy whatever the fuck you want, from wherever the hell you please, while you can. I buy clothes that I like and that I can afford from a variety of sources.

That was pretty off topic to where I’m going, I apologise. There is only one fashion era from the past that I have any attachment to. Yeah, that’s right, this blogger doesn’t really give a shit about the 90s revival. Yes, I was born in 1990 and my entire childhood was the 90s but for some reason, I don’t feel any  sense of nostalgia about it. Probably because my childhood was freaking shit. When I was a child, I didn’t care about the present and I didn’t think about the past, I was completely enchanted by thoughts of the future. I would day dream about a magnificent future, where I didn’t cry every single day, instead, I drove around in a flying car in the darkness with neon lights everywhere. As I got older and become interested in style, there was one decade of the past that stuck out to me.

The sixties, mostly because of miniskirts. Did you know that the term ‘mini’ was named after the car? How funny, that’s basically the only car I like! I’ve always been a shorty. In all my school class photos, I’m always seated at the front, with the short people. Every single time we lined up in order of tallest to shortest, I was always at the end. These days, I’ve grown to a staggering 5’0. Yes, I know, who ever thought I would have vertically expanded to such a height? During my teens, I always felt so short and vulnerable. It didn’t help that my brother would often call me stumpy. The skirts that were part of my school uniform, were naturally a maxi length. Everybody had their skirts shortened. To a few inches below their hips. My yiayia (grandmother) shortened mine and would only go as short as, just above my knees. Suffice to say, I felt like a fool.

A few years later, when I had my first casual job, at sixteen, I went clothes shopping by myself, for the first time. Fashion was having a sixties mod revival at the time and I completely fell in love with all the classy looking mini skirts and dresses. Finally, my legs looked longer and I didn’t seem to be drowning in my dresses. Following the same trend of the sixties, to compensate for the extremely short lengths, I invested in a lot of tights. I was the tights queen man. At one point, I even wanted to have my own tights/sock shop when I was older.

Actually, I still really like tights and socks. I have two separate drawers dedicated to them in my room. So, that’s my favourite decade of the past, in terms of style, folks. I love the length of the clothes, the swing coats, the peter pan collars, the hair, the make up! I just like a lot of things from the sixties. The style of shoes is probably one of the only things I’m not a huge fan of. A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a jackpot of images from the sixties, (I don’t remember the source, so if you do, please let me know!) and decided to share some with you.

I decided to dress with a sixties influence and Edie Sedgwick style make up. Wearing my new Zana Bayne harness as a necklace… ah, the options. :)

I edited my lips and made them red here, I just wanted to see how red lips would look with this eye make up.

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