I could not explain the imagery of this post if I even tried. I started this over a week ago and was planning to finish it a few days later… however, I was then offered a job out of nowhere and everything I had planned was postponed.
The other day (Friday) at work, I had this moment, sitting there, staring at the monitor – someone had just told me I did a “really good job” with the work I had created. My eyes were suddenly full of tears but I’m still not crying so it was easy enough to compose myself. If anything, it was a little more difficult to do so this time, as they were tears of happiness… or perhaps, tears, due to a sense of accomplishment, rather than sadness.
Some people strongly believe that if one works hard enough, one will achieve whatever one wants to achieve. I disagree with this notion. I have always felt that those who reach their goals are blessed with a little bit of luck.The job I was offered is one I have been aspiring to for an entire decade now. Being officially employed as a graphic designer is quite the emotional moment for me.
That night, as I walked to the train station after work, I caught a glimpse of my reflection and I felt so lucky.
I’m not cool, or super pretty, or super smart or super interesting… or super anything, BUT, the chances of me being who I am were so low. I wasn’t supposed to be who I am, I had to fight to be who I am – I had to fight hard.When I was younger, my first proper goal was to be a singer – no joke! I wanted to be a famous performer SO badly. I think I was about eight or nine at the time. I used to write lyrics in one of my school exercise books and practice singing them at home. I even tried to compose the music on a piano when I was in grade 6 during music class – even though I knew NOTHING about music (and sadly still don’t).
I think I let that dream fade away when I got to the age of 12 and realised an awkward loser like myself was realistically never going to be successful in an industry that appeared to be so shallow, at least that’s what I believed at the time.
It is around this time that I was also having an exceptionally terrible time with my existence.
basically a loner and the internet became my escape from the atrocity that was my reality. This is when I first began experimenting with graphics, initially as a need to create images to support the websites I was creating to practice HTML. (Hello nerd) It didn’t take very long for me to enjoy creating images more than coding, and eventually I realised it was something I could potentially pursuit as a career.
My aspirations of being a graphic designer had nothing to do with school, (at school I actually sucked at Art and I was a lot better at Maths, Science, English… and basically everything else other than Art class and… P.E) it was something that developed over time during the many moments I spent distracting myself at home.When you experience enough unfortunate events during your life, eventually, you begin to stop expecting that anything good will ever happen. I never stopped practicing digital visual art – never. However, I stopped expecting to ever gain full time work as a designer. If it happened – great, I thought, but I had completely given up any hope of it actually occurring.
Two weeks ago, just like that, it happened; I was offered a job. I wasn’t even actively applying for jobs at the time, I was in the process of fixing my folio so I could attack the job application process again with full force. That, was just luck. I got so lucky and I can not explain how strange the feeling is.
I know, that in a general sense, it’s not really an accomplishment, but it is for me. I have come a very, very long way since I was that loser 13 year old and I’m so pleased that I didn’t let myself down. There were so many times that I was pressured to completely give up on design, to not even blog, to cease all forms of practice. Now, it feels like all the work, dedication and the countless hours spent on photoshop were worth it.
Going to your day job and practicing something you love is an amazing feeling. It is even more amazing and somewhat surreal when that love is something that basically saved your life when you had nothing else to live for.
I feel like this post is written more poorly than usual. I am awake way past my bed time and I feel quite delirious right now, I apologise.
I feel like I’m finally at the beginning of the good part of my life. It’s a pretty unique and awesome feeling. So, uh, yes. Things seem to be going decently for a change. The only problem I have is with people.
You know when you *like* someone and you know that nothing is ever going to happen? You’ve accepted it and you can deal with it, but as much as you try, the desire lingers and fails to exit your brain. It’s highly irritating. If anyone knows of how I can access the emotional ‘off’ switch in my head, please do tell.
Ah, I need to crash.Maybe I’ll try to actually make a fashion related post next time. We’ll see
So, so happy
When happiness spells misery
Let the images explain, you don’t write well anyway.
Last year when Get Lucky was released I was not impressed. I love Daft Punk and I really like Pharrell too but I just didn’t (I still don’t) find that song very exceptional. In fact, I was so disappointed that I didn’t bother listening to Random Access Memories, I was also incredibly busy. I had a few hardcore Daft Punk fans in the class I was teaching at the time. They tried to persuade me, according to them, the new album was, “so, SO, awesome!” I foolishly didn’t listen to them, but those kids were right. I decided to listen to the album while working on the images for this post and… wow, some of the songs are brilliant. I guess I’ve been missing out. I am currently swamped with tasks to complete so I’m going to stop typing pointless rambles and instead use Daft Punk’s lyrics to convey my divided thoughts.
I didn’t want to be the one to forget
I thought of everything I’d never regret
when you decided to walk away, when I wanted you to stay
…i want your silent parts…
Look at me now, then look away
If this is existence, please let me play dead
I’m a slave to the details
I feel pretty self absorbed posting all of this but whatever. This is my idea of an outfit post these days.
ANOTHER new segment. I’m really just popping them out lately aren’t I? Well, uh, yeah, like I mentioned previously, I realised I’m pretty boring so it’s probably a good idea to direct the focus of the blog on the cool things and people I find. These things/people are generally a lot cooler than me. I follow a lot of people on my instagram, a lot of awesome people! People with ah-MAY-ZING style. Style that makes me want to go hide in a hole because I look like shit in comparison. I decided to feature these people in case you guys haven’t been graced with their awesomeness yet. The first person I’ll be featuring is TILLY! She doesn’t have a blog, not that I am aware of anyway… but you can follow her on instagram!
I once saw Tilly IRL on Boxing Day and I was freaked out by how amazing she looked, I then glared at my boyfriend because he is part of the reason I have tamed my style down in the past year… he hates ‘crazy’ stuff, I know, I know, sooo bad that I allow a guy to influence my style *slaps self in face* I was also really sick of all the stares I would constantly get in public, it started annoying the shit out of me – I’m getting old and grumpy I guess.
ANYWAY, let’s discuss Tilly. She looks wonderful aaaaaall the time and as a shoe addict I can confirm that she has great taste in shoes!
Look at her incredible hair! MAH LAWD.
HOW DID YOUR STYLE FIRST DEVELOP?
Through experimenting and trying new things. I decided to truly express myself without constraint when I left school and ditched the school uniform, I was able then to really focus on fashion and enjoy it to its fullest extent. I wake up every morning excited about what I can put together or dress up in. I can express myself and have fun with what I wear. I think personal style is something that is constantly changing and evolving, so it just comes down to experimenting really.
HOW HAS YOUR STYLE PROGRESSED SINCE YOU FIRST GOT INTO FASHION?
Everyday I feel more confident about what I can pull off. I just think it’s become really fun for me recently; I can hardly pinpoint what umbrella I come under with my style. I mean, I could be wearing a tie and pinstriped Katherine Hepburn pants with blue lipstick one day, then a pastel pink wig and flower-crown with my tutu the next day! I like to dress up as characters and I never want one look to be the same.
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR STYLE?
I’d probably describe my style as an eclectic, quirky, kawaii/pastel-princess explosion of some sort with occasional outbursts of sophisticated refinement!
WHAT ARE FIVE ITEMS THAT YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED IN YOUR WARDROBE?
Well, I can’t live without my wigs – a quick and easy way to instantly lift any outfit and change your hair colour/style. I also love anything tulle like my Lady Petrova tutus. OH or my beautiful organza cape with flower petals in it, also by Lady Petrova – it’s so perfect for summer and I love how ethereal and pretty it is! I’m also a sucker for flatform shoes at the moment and I’m loving mixing elements of 90’s fashion such as chokers and holographic stuff with my pretty, pretty clothes – It makes for a really unique combination. In particular, I’ve been drawing from my ever-growing collection of handmade (House of Moi!) flower crowns to contrast with the rough and tough look of the chokers.
TOP FIVE ITEMS YOU REALLY WANT?
Sorry to reference Miley Cyrus of all people right now, but at the VMAs last year I noticed that she had these amaaazing creepers on that flashed and lit up when she walked which reminded me of some pink light-up shoes I had when I was little. So now I’m on the hunt for a pair of flatforms that light up so I can channel my 7 year old self, whilst drawing the eye to what I believe is the most important part of an outfit – the shoes!! Umm I would love another pair of h0les sunglasses. – (Omg, yes! h0les sunglasses are awesome! I want a pair too)
I’m always looking out for really quirky and cute socks – you can never have too many socks. I’ve been drooling over ‘Discount Universe’s’ clothing for a long time now! I would looooove to have one of their amazing sequined halter-neck tops! Also, I don’t have my ears pierced but I am still dying to get my hands on a pair of lilac POMS earrings, which will give me plenty of incentive to finally puncture my ear lobes! Also I saw a pineapple and a popcorn clutch/bag the other day, which would definitely fulfill my recent novelty clutch addiction. I have a flamingo, a unicorn, a basketball, a tennis ball and a cat shaped clutch so pineapple and popcorn would add to the menagerie!
DO YOU HAVE ANY STYLE IDOLS?
I adore Lady Petrova Hammond; her personal style and designs have influenced my fashion more than anybody and her boutique is where most of my money is blown. Other than that I spend a lot of time on tumblr and instagram just looking at all sorts of people and their fashion and drawing inspiration from them. I am also very intrigued/inspired by Japanese fashion as well as amazing performers such as Lady gaga, Gwen Stefani and Kimbra – all truly fearless and fabulous fashionistas!
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THE STYLE SCENE WHERE YOU LIVE?
This is a tough one…not really sure how I can go about answering this without sounding too harsh; so I’ll just say that the ‘style’ scene where I live (Geelong) is almost non-existent.Thank goodness Melbourne is close, because as far as style scenes go; Melbourne is where it’s at!
WHAT SORT OF REACTIONS DOES YOUR STYLE INVOKE IN PEOPLE? HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH ANY NEGATIVE ATTENTION?
Well it’s only been in the past year or so that I’ve experienced any sort of negative attention since I guess my style has become a bit more experimental and therefore more difficult for the average jeans and t-shirt wearer to stomach. I mean I’m used to a snicker every now and then, or some stares/double-takes and pointing which I’ve learnt to laugh at and shrug off. I don’t leave the house expecting everybody to appreciate my effort or like what I’ve put together, and I rather like causing a bit of stir and challenging people’s perceptions of what is fashionable or how we should look. It’s fun that way! Besides, the majority of people are really lovely; often pointing out that they’d never wear or feel like they could pull off what I wear themselves, but admire my style nonetheless. I guess it’s all about having the courage of your convictions.
DO YOU HAVE ANY FAVOURITE PLACES TO SHOP?
I sure do! I do A LOT of online shopping and have a fully-fledged addiction. I have packages coming in every week so it’s basically Christmas all year round! Some of my favourite places to shop areEtsy, Solestruck (shoes), Lady Petrova, Svpply, Somewhere Nowhere and so many more! I just spend hours upon hours looking at stuff! - (Join the club)
IF YOU WERE GIVEN 10 MILLION DOLLARS RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
OH MY GOD UM.. I’m gonna go for the shallow yet obvious answer and say that I’d buy a plane ticket to New York and just shop shop shop! Then I’d continue on to London, Tokyo, Paris and all the best shopping destinations! After travelling/shopping around the world and exploring the different fashions, I’d probably end up spending weeks upon weeks online shopping; using up the rest of my dollars!